I just had an epiphany!
I've been struggling with the fact that, God isn't giving me direction, I'm not getting answers and I don't know the "right" thing to do. I have always wished that I was perfect and that life was perfect and that I knew my life plan. I imagine all of these turns of events that have such meaning in my life and I have to do the right thing or go the right way or my life will be doomed.
But what if there is no plan? What if God wants you to plan your own life and just be happy with the decisions you make? Live with no regrets, take risks and enjoy yourself.
What if?
I've been struggling with my next move in life, where to go to school. Then I came to the idea, maybe I don't want to be in school right now. And of course I think of the results of my actions thinking, I can't get a job if I don't have a full degree or a certificate or anything! I'm scared I will regret the decisions I make now that I cannot change. I have always lived my life on the safe side, I've never taken a risk. Now at the vunerable age of 19 I need to start making big decisions, decisions that could affect the rest of my life. Now I wonder, if instead thinking these decisions will affect my life negatively, why not say they will shape my life? I guess it's all about your view of life...
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
What everyone wants and what no one has
PERFECTION.
Everyone has a different definition of perfection. Some people can't put it into a definition. Some seek perfection in their appearances, some in their work, other's in their art or craft.
For me, I am looking for total perfection. When I'm getting ready for school, my poof needs to be perfectly symmetrical and my eyeliner exactly even. At work I staple, stamp and fold everything in the exact same place on every single paper. In the kitchen, I actually take measurements (I have my own way of measuring a 'pinch') and keep everything equal.
I have these ideas in my head of the perfect woman (who I want to be), the perfect man (who I'm looking for), the perfect relationship (the one I'm chasing after) and of course the fairy tail ending. And we all know life doesn't really work like that, does it?
But why? Why do we all stride for perfection. Don't they say that if we were all alike, life would be boring? In turn, if everyone was perfect the world would be so boring. We wouldn't have imperfections to laugh at and to love. And I don't want everyone else to be perfect. Not that I'm selfish and want to be the only one who is perfect. But because I love the imperfections in other people. Just not in myself.
So how do I be more perfect? Or maybe the right question is, how do I stop my desire for complete perfection and except all of my own imperfections?
note:
I've been wanting to write this blog to sort of find myself, to help guide myself through life and find answers to the questions I have. But how can I do that when all I do is think? I don't have any answers for myself and lately, the questions just seem to keep building up. I don't know how no one has written a book with all the answers yet....don't we have just about everything else?
Everyone has a different definition of perfection. Some people can't put it into a definition. Some seek perfection in their appearances, some in their work, other's in their art or craft.
For me, I am looking for total perfection. When I'm getting ready for school, my poof needs to be perfectly symmetrical and my eyeliner exactly even. At work I staple, stamp and fold everything in the exact same place on every single paper. In the kitchen, I actually take measurements (I have my own way of measuring a 'pinch') and keep everything equal.
I have these ideas in my head of the perfect woman (who I want to be), the perfect man (who I'm looking for), the perfect relationship (the one I'm chasing after) and of course the fairy tail ending. And we all know life doesn't really work like that, does it?
But why? Why do we all stride for perfection. Don't they say that if we were all alike, life would be boring? In turn, if everyone was perfect the world would be so boring. We wouldn't have imperfections to laugh at and to love. And I don't want everyone else to be perfect. Not that I'm selfish and want to be the only one who is perfect. But because I love the imperfections in other people. Just not in myself.
So how do I be more perfect? Or maybe the right question is, how do I stop my desire for complete perfection and except all of my own imperfections?
note:
I've been wanting to write this blog to sort of find myself, to help guide myself through life and find answers to the questions I have. But how can I do that when all I do is think? I don't have any answers for myself and lately, the questions just seem to keep building up. I don't know how no one has written a book with all the answers yet....don't we have just about everything else?
Friday, January 14, 2011
do you believe in destiny?
Destiny. Fate. Karma. Kismet.
I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. I was given this name, I live in this house, I went to this school and met these friends all for specific reasons that helped build the life I live today. Then I started to question it. What's the reason I stubbed my toe on the door, why did I only have 1 wisdom tooth, how come I stepped in a puddle on my way into work today? Silly questions but all relevant to the idea of destiny, I suppose.
This idea has always come to my head when referring to love. Was I meant to go to that school on Sunday morning and meet my first boyfriend? Was I meant to go to that HealthQuest dance and get my first kiss from him just a few months later? Or is everything in life coincidence. We just happen to both go to service that morning. OR is coincidence what leads us to our fate?
Well, what's the use in thinking about this right? We'll never know the answer. It is just frustrating when you meet someone new, pick a school, acquire a job, buy a home, and you wonder, is this what I'm meant to do? Or many, you have many destiny's lined up, but it's up to you to choose which is best.
This was simply something I felt the need to put down in words for it's been on my mind ever since this journey of applying to schools began. I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions on destiny and fate and any insight you've found in your travels.
I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. I was given this name, I live in this house, I went to this school and met these friends all for specific reasons that helped build the life I live today. Then I started to question it. What's the reason I stubbed my toe on the door, why did I only have 1 wisdom tooth, how come I stepped in a puddle on my way into work today? Silly questions but all relevant to the idea of destiny, I suppose.
This idea has always come to my head when referring to love. Was I meant to go to that school on Sunday morning and meet my first boyfriend? Was I meant to go to that HealthQuest dance and get my first kiss from him just a few months later? Or is everything in life coincidence. We just happen to both go to service that morning. OR is coincidence what leads us to our fate?
Well, what's the use in thinking about this right? We'll never know the answer. It is just frustrating when you meet someone new, pick a school, acquire a job, buy a home, and you wonder, is this what I'm meant to do? Or many, you have many destiny's lined up, but it's up to you to choose which is best.
This was simply something I felt the need to put down in words for it's been on my mind ever since this journey of applying to schools began. I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions on destiny and fate and any insight you've found in your travels.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
so its been a year...
Almost one whole year since I first blogged about my ridiculously exciting life filled with suspense and romance. And above all-questions.
For all you single guys out there yes I am still available. Surprise surprise.
And I still have questions!
I just started reading this amazing book yesterday called "Just Who Will You Be?" by Maria Shriver. Of course my mother suggested it and I'm like "OK sure mom!". Then I actually began reading it at work. There's an intro, a long poem then a conclusion. After reading the intro, I have not stopped thinking about it. The poem is corny but filled with truth. The conclusion I will more than likely finish tonight. You should defiantly check the book out for yourself but it basically sums up the idea of "what do you want to be when you grow up" to "who do you want to be". And it's so true.
I'm currently in a struggle, trying to find my place within this crazy world and peace within myself. Saying to myself "OK what is my major going to be? What am I going to do with the rest of my life?". While I have ideas, this book has shifted my way of thinking. WHO do I want to be? I don't have the answer for all of you (or myself, really) but we'll figure it out together hmm?
Interestingly enough, I first titled this blog "On The Prowl", insinuating my pursuit of men. I think this meaning has slightly shifted. While I am still on the look out for men (I repeat, I am single!), I am also looking for myself. Hopefully through out my new experiences, with the spring semester beginning in less than a week and my constant attempts to apply to schools, I will slowly begin to answer my new question:
JUST WHO WILL YOU BE?
For all you single guys out there yes I am still available. Surprise surprise.
And I still have questions!
I just started reading this amazing book yesterday called "Just Who Will You Be?" by Maria Shriver. Of course my mother suggested it and I'm like "OK sure mom!". Then I actually began reading it at work. There's an intro, a long poem then a conclusion. After reading the intro, I have not stopped thinking about it. The poem is corny but filled with truth. The conclusion I will more than likely finish tonight. You should defiantly check the book out for yourself but it basically sums up the idea of "what do you want to be when you grow up" to "who do you want to be". And it's so true.
I'm currently in a struggle, trying to find my place within this crazy world and peace within myself. Saying to myself "OK what is my major going to be? What am I going to do with the rest of my life?". While I have ideas, this book has shifted my way of thinking. WHO do I want to be? I don't have the answer for all of you (or myself, really) but we'll figure it out together hmm?
Interestingly enough, I first titled this blog "On The Prowl", insinuating my pursuit of men. I think this meaning has slightly shifted. While I am still on the look out for men (I repeat, I am single!), I am also looking for myself. Hopefully through out my new experiences, with the spring semester beginning in less than a week and my constant attempts to apply to schools, I will slowly begin to answer my new question:
JUST WHO WILL YOU BE?
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